Confessions of a GAD Girl

welcome to my anxious brain

It’s Been A Long Time.

It’s been a long time.
A long time since the last time.

The last time that you heard from me,
Life was a hazy mystery.

What the last five months has done to me,
Is what no other time has mustered.

Dude. I’m back. Like, I’m really, really back. Of course, that could just be the bottle of wine talking.

Shut up, you fermented grape devil! You have no power here!

Anywhooo…

It’s March 2016, and I’m sitting in the living room of an apartment typing away on my teeny-tiny keyboard and looking at a teeny-tiny screen, while by boyfriend plays a video game. His child is in her bedroom, coughing while she sleeps because she started a new school and thus has cooties.

You may not think there is anything odd with this situation, but I do.

I seriously almost literally cannot wrap my brain around it.

I’m six months shy of 38 and this is the first time I’ve cohabitated with a significant other. And there’s a child included.

Station Interruption: My boyfriend has noticed that I am squinting. He offers his desktop. I inform him that I must use my teeny-tiny laptop because it’s where my passwords are saved. He counters that I can save my passwords on his computer. I protest, stating that I fear he will succumb to temptation and log in as me on my blog. He rolls his eyes. I feel the love. He goes back to his game, and I return to my microscopic writing.

So yeah, as I was saying…

I moved in with my boyfriend, and it’s been quite an adjustment. But nothing traumatic, surprisingly, because I had no idea of what to expect.

I think I did a good job by not really thinking about it until it happened. A lot of my anxiety and irrational fears come from me over-thinking situations and playing round after round of “what if.”

But not this time. This time, I literally said, “Fuck it. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.”

I’ll keep you posted.

Who am I kidding? I might think of you when shit happens, and I may or may not tell you about it.

I know you’re here when I need you though. And that’s what matters. XOXOX

A New Life Green Road Sign with dramatic clouds and sky.

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