Confessions of a GAD Girl

welcome to my anxious brain

What If My Dream Actually Comes True?

First of all, you know what is some major bullshit? Buying a new PC laptop and NOT getting Microsoft Word for free. I mean, come on! What the actual hell. Gahhh.

That aside…

Helllooooo! Long time, no chat. How you doin’?

I’m good, thanks for asking. It’s been about 3 1/2 weeks since we last chatted. Not a whole lot has happened since then. Except…

– My awesome Mister bought me a new laptop simply because I, “deserve it;”
– I’m feeling more and more at home in my new apartment, cohabitating for the first time;
AND…
– My Mister got a kick-ass new job that has the potential to put us in a situation that could allow me to quit my job and be a stay-at-home girlfriend/wife.

And that right there, is what I would like to chat about this evening.

For almost as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a housewife. I never saw anything wrong with this goal. My [single] mother, on the other hand, made it quite clear that such a goal was not appropriate for her child.

I went to college, worked my tail off, (finally) got a degree, paid my own bills, and supported myself. But through it all, I’ve continuously held the idea in the back of my mind that I want to be the little lady who keeps the home up to par while her man brings home the bacon.

Is that so wrong?

Well, it looks like this particular dream of mine might finally be coming true. And while the thought of it brings a smile to my face, the idea of it brings anxiety to my soul.

Like, what if I can’t actually do it? What if staying home and keeping up the house drives me insane? Oh my God – what if all my “free time” turns me into an booze-hound? What if it makes me want to run for the hills and never look back? What if it makes me want to adopt every kid I see? What if I become Peggy Bundy? So many “what ifs!”

Bottom line – what ever shall I do if my heart and my brain cannot come to a compromise? How will I handle it?

I guess there’s only one way to find out. DO IT.

JUST DO IT.

Yup, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to do IT.

Dive in head, and heart, first. To hell with the doubts!

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